so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
