When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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