Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
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What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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