what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize