Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
