From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
