dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
