Only a mothe r could love this liver
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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