I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
