i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
