I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
