Need sex. Gaining weight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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