I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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