He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
