it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
