i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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