Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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