U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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