Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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