it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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