I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
