You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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