carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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