Well apparently he's into motor boating.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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