There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
