I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
