woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
