Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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