Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
