U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
