Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
