In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
