I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
