I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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