forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
