He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
