so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
