A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
