Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
