I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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