I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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