I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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