Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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