I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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