we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
