I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
