You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
