I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
