i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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