All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im part way to drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
