I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You left your phone here
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