He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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