omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
