i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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