it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
