1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
