you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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