I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
