I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
